So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Let's get the cat blown out
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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