I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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