Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
