Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
