I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize