I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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