maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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