I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
