Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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