My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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