I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
