U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
