I cut my penus on the lid.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
