8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
