so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
