that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
