My Higher Power is John Stamos
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I intend to get homeless drunk
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
