yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
