It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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