This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
