I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
