That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
