Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
