i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
my poor anus
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
