i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
