Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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