I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
