i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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