thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
