Whod you bang
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
