i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
