I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Be still, my beating vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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