Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
