My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
