tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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