What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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