I don't usually arrange sex via text message
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
one might say we're banned from that church
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
