can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
