i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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