Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you had me at cake vodka
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize