Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
