Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
