Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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