WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
