I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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