I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize