dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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