wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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