Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
