just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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