Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
