why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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