I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
