yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
