Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize