Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
