I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he fucked my hip out of place.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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