I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize