The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
