Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
