I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
