Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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