what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
