haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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