I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
