Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
this boner is exhausting
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
