So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
