i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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