New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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